Burnout does not result from hard work. When we are achieving what is important to us, we are fulfilled. Merely slowing down and taking more downtime will not grant you a better life. It might actually give you a boring life or an insignificant one. If you are feeling burned out or unfulfilled, there are other factors at work.

When you shift foundations to a rhythmic paradigm for living, you can implement powerful strategies for a better life. In addition to pacing yourself for greater peace, you can build life-enhancing rituals for more fulfillment.

Building life-enhancing rituals is a powerful strategy that works in the flow of life’s natural cycles. When Jaime and Yesinia Gonzalez began to set aside time for each other and their family, they were beginning to establish marital and family rituals that would enable them to experience less stress and more peace, less frustration and more joy, less ineffectiveness and more fruitfulness.

What is a ritual? Depending on your life experience, the term ritual will conjure up a wide variety of connotations. My son David and his girlfriend immediately think about their fraternity and sorority handshakes and songs. In contrast, my son Jimmy, who works for a sports radio station, starts telling stories about bizarre pregame warm-up activities. As a pastor, I think about baptism and Communion. Sociologists define rituals as repeated activities that create meaning in a culture. Marriage and family Web sites list dozens of family rituals to enhance relationships.

In The Power of Full Engagement, Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz include a chapter titled “Taking Action: The Power of Positive Rituals.” Their research reveals how rituals have enabled top athletes to perform at consistently high levels. For Loehr and Schwartz, a ritual can be any healthy routine, though sociologists tend to distinguish routines from rituals based on the assumption that rituals are connected to some deeper meaning or significance.

Rituals have the power to help us achieve our mission in every area of our lives. They can be communal, involving a team, community, or family, and they can also be personal. For a richer understanding of ritual, consider its use in multiple human arenas.

In certain contexts, ritual refers to a prescribed order in a religious ceremony. But ritual also means “a detailed method or procedure faithfully or regularly followed; or a state or condition characterized by the presence of established procedure or routine.”

For some people, ritual and tradition are synonymous. Traditions are characteristic patterns, methods, or beliefs often passed down over a long period of time. Though distinctions between traditions and rituals can be made, their meanings often overlap. Rituals can have little sense of “belief,” but the action may signify a belief.

Sociologist William Doherty defines three characteristics of ritual:

Rituals are social interactions that are repeated, coordinated, and significant. This is the classical, anthropological definition going back to [Arnold] van Gennep’s work in 1908. Rituals can be everyday interactions, or they could be once a year, but they’re repeated. They’re also coordinated. You have to know what is expected of you in a ritual; you can’t have a meal ritual together if you don’t know when to show up for it, and you can’t dance together if you don’t know what kind of dance you are going to do. You’re not going to have much of a sexual life if you don’t end up in the same space at the same time. Rituals are not only repeated and coordinated, they are significant. A ritual is something that has positive emotional meaning to both parties.

The period of time is not a crucial element, but a ritual is repeated, coordinated, and significant. In this case, Doherty is thinking of ritual in ways that involve only more than one person. Personal rituals need not be coordinated.

[i] “ritual,” Dictionary.com, Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1), Random House, Inc., http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/ritual.

[ii] William Doherty, “Intentional Marriage: Your Rituals Will Set You Free” (banquet keynote address, Smart Marriages Conference, Denver, CO, 2008), http://www.smartmarriages.com/intentionalmarriage.html.

Most of us live our lives in syllabus shock—constantly putting before us every assignment from every course in life. That pressure induces guilt, stress, and condemnation. We need to learn how to envision longer rhythms of time, such as a semester.

We will find more peaceful, enjoyable, and fulfilled lives if we can identify appropriate frequencies for our regular activities. “Today” may not be the day for Scarlett to think of a way to get Rhett Butler back. When we try to balance all our obligations every week, we ignore the benefits of longer rhythms. When our lives are in a good rhythm, we can relax about the pressure of “imbalance” in a given week because we know we are achieving a healthy pace over the course of a year, though it may not be evident in one particular week.

We need to find the best frequency, the best pace, for each activity and appreciate the flow of our cycles. Last week, my daughter called from Baylor University. She said she was disappointed in herself because she was not getting any studying done on Tuesdays. She was expecting that she should study the same amount every day (a balance mentality), but Tuesdays were throwing her off because she had classes all day and into the evening. When we discussed various rhythm strategies (to free her from the burden of balance), she realized that Tuesdays should not be a study day; Wednesdays, when she is done with her classes before noon, could be a major study day. By releasing expectations and bringing her study schedule into harmony with the rhythm of her class schedule, Melanie was able to relieve stress and frustration and get all her work done in a timely manner.

When we try to live as if natural cycles did not exist, as if all time progressed in a uniform, linear fashion, we frustrate ourselves and increase our stress. Some of our burnout comes from not recognizing nature’s rhythms and living in harmony with them. When enough plates crash to the floor, despair takes you down.

Over the past twenty years, other authors have written on effective time management with increasing sophistication. In First Things First, Stephen Covey presents his model as the fourth generation of time management.[i] Your Life in Rhythm offers a fifth-generation model, a move beyond time management.

How can you move beyond time management? By shifting your mental model from “management” to “flow.” You cannot manage time. Time happens, and time is the same for everyone. By growing in your understanding of how time flows, you can flow with it more harmoniously and effectively. Shift the focus of your attention from time to yourself.

Though we do need to better understand the flow of time, that insight will still not allow us to alter time or to manage it. Our focus must shift from managing time to allowing our lives to flow in harmony with time’s cycles.

If you feel you cannot stand to change one more diaper, know that in a few years you will be done. If your teenagers are wearing you out, it won’t be long before they enter adulthood. If you are sick of college, look ahead; you will walk across the stage, turn your tassel, and then homework and exams will be behind you. If you cannot stand to serve one more customer at the register, realize you will likely not work there forever. All our life stages are comparatively brief in light of the entire scope of our lives. Most stages are just long enough to fully embrace them before we see them in the rearview mirror. So even if you’re in a season now that feels as if it will never end, take heart. The next stage is just over the horizon. Though we should certainly live fully in the present season of our lives, looking ahead to what’s next can give us hope.

Despair comes from feeling stuck. When it feels as if you will always be nothing but a taxi service, driving kids from one activity to another, it’s easy to allow negative emotions to cloud your vision. If we’re not careful, our emotions can spiral downward, taking us lower and lower into depression. The more we consider the difficulty of our current jobs, finances, or relationships, the more we might despair. When we’re in the middle of the tunnel of chaos, we cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel—but it’s there.

Bruce Miller, nationally recognized speaker and author, offered a Your Life in Rhythm Workshop at McKinney Fellowship this past Saturday, giving attendants a new way to live with less stress and more fulfillment. In one day they gained a new paradigm for how to manage life.  The principles and tools you learned will help in both business and personal life.

Bruce helped attendants complete a Rhythm Solution Process worksheet for their most challenging life managements issues.   They walked away with tangible tools and fresh perspective on how to live a more peaceful and fulfilled life.

The atmosphere in the room during the workshop was inquisitive, and motivating. People shared struggles that they are wanting gain control over, and Bruce offered advise on how to apply the 6 Kairos and Chronos strategies from Your Life in Rhythm to work through these struggles.

Here is what people are saying about the Your Life in Rhythm Workshops:

“I was able to really think about and work through a life stage issue.”
“The workshop helped me find a rhythm with competing priorities.”
“This workshop is life-changing!”
“It was a great way to find rhythm rather than balance.”
“A refreshing workshop to help your life be more intentional, regain joy and reduce stress.”

“Bruce is a highly gifted strategic thinker and communicator who has always brought great process and wisdom to strengthen our team. His work on rhythm gave great perspective and practical guidance on how to do life and ministry better as individuals and as a team.”

Jeff Jones
Senior Pastor, Chase Oaks Church

“Your Life in Rhythm” was the perfect workshop for our staff as we seek to live out the hectic pace of ministry and life. My staff left this workshop refreshed, refocused, and recalibrated to God’s rhythm in our lives. The principles and the passion communicated by Bruce were priceless for bringing peace and a good pace to our lives. We are immensely grateful!

Rev. Bryan Carter
Senior Pastor, Concord Church

Bruce Miller is available to speak at conferences, staff retreats, and more. If you are interested in scheduling time with Bruce Miller, please contact his assistant Laurie Wright at lwright@mcfbc.org

By fulfillment, I am not referring to self-actualization or some superficial psychological state of well-being. Rather, fulfillment is the carrying out of your life’s mission. It is being a responsible steward in each stage of your life.

Burnout comes from trying to seize opportunities that do not fit the current season of your life; it is created by trying to meet unreleased false expectations. I am often guilty of taking on more than I should. One personality profile told me I was prone to “get too many irons in the fire.” It was right. I do.

Does that mean we should stop setting ambitious goals? Bob Biehl wrote a book titled Stop Setting Goals if You Would Rather Solve Problems. Though the title is obviously provocative, the point is well taken. Goal setting is wise, but we cannot predict what tomorrow will bring. It may bring a huge opportunity for which we haven’t set a goal. We need to be prepared to seize the opportunities that come our way in each stage and season of life.

Bruce Miller, nationally recognized speaker and author, gives you a new way to live with less stress and more fulfillment. In one day you will gain a new paradigm for how to manage your life. Your Life in Rhythm offers a step beyond Covey’s seven habits. The principles and tools you learn will help you in both your business and personal life.

Learn how to live full out without burning out.  (For full details, click here)

Identify your current stage so you can apply rhythm strategies to your present life, and then identify the next stage you will likely enter. You might even be in the midst of a passage between stages, as I am (moving from the child-rearing years to an empty nest).

Three major elements will help you identify your current life stage: your biological age, family relationships, and major multi-year phases. Some of these stages may begin with a crisis.

First, how old are you? It makes a difference whether you are reading this book as a nineteen-year-old, a forty-nine-year-old, or a sixty-nine-year-old—three very different life stages. Biologically, are you in puberty, in child-bearing years, or past menopause? Are you at the peak of fitness and strength or in the time of physical decline?

Second, identify your family relationships. Are you single, never married? married? divorced? remarried? Are you pregnant? Do you have children? stepchildren? grandchildren? Are your children at home, or do you have an empty nest? Have they left and boomeranged back? Are you caring for aging parents, or are your parents still caring for you? Usually, having a baby, getting married, or getting divorced shifts you into a new stage of life.

Third, are you in a new, multi-year phase? An example might be a move to a new place that creates a geographic shift and may take you to a new stage.

Changes at work can move you to a new stage, especially if it is a change to a new career in a different field, or from being employed by a company to being self-employed. Changes in service or education can usher in a new stage of life. Entering active military duty or starting studies as a full-time student will create a new stage of life.

Sometimes a health crisis will generate a new life stage. Losing a significant amount of weight can transform you into a new person. If you suffer a major disability, you may enter a new stage of limited mobility. If you find out you have cancer or AIDS, you enter a new stage of life, as does your primary caregiver.

Our youngest child will graduate from high school in 2009. By 2013, if he’s on track, he should be finishing college. So, over the next several years, my wife and I will move into entirely new stages of life—from parents with kids at home to parents with kids at college to parents with a truly empty nest. Our current stage of raising teenagers, which started in 1997, will end in 2010 when the youngest turns twenty.

When you know what “time” it is in your life, you have a basis for figuring out how to live well in that unique time of life. The three kairos rhythm strategies show you how to live well in each different stage of life.

Understanding the two basic kinds of kairos rhythms—personal seasons and life stages—gives us a foundation for learning how to live our lives in rhythm. In the next few chapters, we will explore how to release false expectations that don’t fit your current rhythm, seize unique opportunities in your current kairos seasons, and anticipate what lies ahead in seasons and stages to come.

Once you can identify the waves, you can discover how to ride them well. Using the three kairos rhythm strategies, you coast with peace by releasing false expectations that don’t fit your current rhythm, you ride with fulfillment by seizing unique opportunities this kairos season offers you, and you find hope in anticipating the waves that still lie ahead of you.

Chronos corresponds to regular cycles, and kairos corresponds to progressive flows. Chronos is clock and calendar time, measurable and predictable, recurring in known cycles. Kairos is experienced time, which is nonrecurring and not as predictable, but it flows. Kairos is quality time, such as when we talk about having a good time together, finding the right time to say something sensitive, or looking for the right time to make an investment.

….

Chronos Cycles: measured time
Kairos Seasons: experienced time
Chronos Cycles: quantity of time
Kairos Seasons: quality of time
Chronos Cycles: clock or calendar time
Kairos Seasons: heart time
Chronos Cycles: cyclical
Kairos Seasons: linear
Chronos Cycles: recurrence
Kairos Seasons: occurrence
Chronos Cycles: predictable pattern
Kairos Seasons: unpredictable pattern
Chronos Cycles: uniform
Kairos Seasons: unique
Chronos Cycles: oscillating
Kairos Seasons: progressing
Chronos Cycles: heartbeat
Kairos Seasons: lifetime
Chronos Cycles: a song’s meter
Kairos Seasons: a symphony’s movement
Chronos Cycles: ritual
Kairos Seasons: hope
Chronos Cycles: pace
Kairos Seasons: opportunity
Chronos Cycles: tradition
Kairos Seasons: anticipation
Chronos Cycles: chronological
Kairos Seasons: phenomenological
Chronos Cycles: measured time
Kairos Seasons: experienced time
Chronos Cycles: quantity of time
Kairos Seasons: quality of time
Chronos Cycles: clock or calendar time
Kairos Seasons: heart time
Chronos Cycles: cyclical
Kairos Seasons: linear
Chronos Cycles: recurrence
Kairos Seasons: occurrence
Chronos Cycles: predictable pattern
Kairos Seasons: unpredictable pattern
Chronos Cycles: uniform
Kairos Seasons: unique
Chronos Cycles: oscillating
Kairos Seasons: progressing
Chronos Cycles: heartbeat
Kairos Seasons: lifetime
Chronos Cycles: a song’s meter
Kairos Seasons: a symphony’s movement
Chronos Cycles: ritual
Kairos Seasons: hope
Chronos Cycles: pace
Kairos Seasons: opportunity
Chronos Cycles: tradition
Kairos Seasons: anticipation
Chronos Cycles: chronological
Kairos Seasons: phenomenological